My Social Life is Online is a song created for the cleaner school version. It changes the traits of Trekkie Monster so that he spends his time on social networking sites rather than watching pornography. It also makes Kate Monster dislike the internet, instead of liking it in the original.
Kate: Finally! I get to teach an entire lesson all by myself. I'm gonna teach something emotionally significant. I'm gonna teach them 'bout friendship. (singing) A friend is something everybody needs.
Trekkie: Online!
Kate (looks at him, then continues): A person with friends is a person who succeeds.
Trekkie: Online!
Kate: When someone new says "hi",
Trekkie: Online!
Kate: There's no need to be shy.
Trekkie: Online!
Kate: Who cares if they're a girl or they're a guy?
Trekkie: ONLINE?!
Kate: Trekkie?
Trekkie: Me social life is online.
Kate: Trekkie!
Trekkie: Me social life is online.
Kate: What are you doing?
Trekkie: Me have friends and me do fine. Just. On. Line.
(spoken)
Kate: Trekkie Monster!
Trekkie: Hello, Kate Monster!
Kate: You are ruining my song!
Trekkie: Oh, me sorry. Me no mean to. Kate Monster, how come you no accept me friend request?
Kate: Will you just be quiet for one minute so I can finish? Good.
(sung)
A friend is something you can make for free.
Trekkie: Online, oops.
Kate: All you need's compatibility.
Trekkie: Onli--oops, sorry.
Kate: So what if rich or poor?
Trekkie: On--
Kate: 'Cause that's what friends are for. And soon you'll chat with more and more and more.
Trekkie: ONLINE!!!!
Kate: Trekkie!
Trekkie: Me social life is online. Me social life is online.
Kate: whoa!
Trekkie: Me have hundred fifty six thousand friends. On. Line.
(spoken)
Kate: Trekkie Monster!
Trekkie: Kate Monster, why not friend me?
Kate: Because I have no use for social networking sites. I always spend time with real people. Unlike some computer-crazed, socially-centered stay-at-home monster I could name.
Trekkie: You hurt my feelings, Kate Monster.
Kate: I just want you to make some real friends.
Trekkie: You want real friends.
Kate: I guess so.
Trekkie: Then friend me!
Kate: Fine. How do I sign up?
Trekkie: You simply type your date of birth and e mail address and email them to Social Networking Company.
Kate: I did it!
Trekkie: Yeah! Fifty-six hundred thousand and one friends!
(sung)
Me social life is online.
Kate: Wow!
Trekkie: Me social life is online. Form a clique and point and click for friends online. Friends. On.
Both: Me social life is on. Social life is on. Social life is online.
Trekkie: Yeah!